Sunday, December 30, 2007
However, the result of these girlish dreams is that I have worked hard to find an ordinary life. In the meantime, my children haven't built the same times of life experiences that I have. They've never been chased by wild horses ;). They have flown in little airplanes, received handmade wooden toys from inmates in a Salem prison, ridden all sorts of horses both English and Western, seen alien space ships flying in the Gorge, made snowmen with my 70-something-year-old grandma, among other wonderful experiences.
This morning I was reminiscing about old times (it started yesterday with my grandma at my dad's house). I realized that regardless of our financial status, time constraints, and other ordinary concerns, I need to continue to help my children find the extraordinary in ordinary life. In 20 years I hope they look back on our ordinary life and are able to see the beautiful extraordinary moments. Even if they only think of the geese flying overhead as something beautiful and rare (our "pet" geese, a flock of over 100 that we love), I hope they know just how hard I've tried to provide them with an extraordinary life with the stability of the ordinary.
Life is beautiful!
Again, I exercised today, so that's good!
The visit with my dad was great, which made it easier to not over eat (I tend to overeat when stressed). And the visit with our friends was great! He sure makes a mean spaghetti, and we saw the latest Harry Potter movie. WOW!
Tomorrow my goal is to stay within points, and not use any flex points at all. Seems simple enough!
Happy Last Sunday of 2008!
Friday, December 28, 2007
I'm nervous about going to dads. He's not the easiest person to get along with. Oh, well, I'm a grown-up, we'll leave if it gets weird.
I blew it with lunch...a Burgerville chocolate peppermint milkshake-18 pts!!! EEEK!
The rest of the day was fine, but now I'm hungry and no points left...I need something, guess I'll just go WAY over instead of a bit over.
However, I exercised again today, so thats good! I didn't do the high intensity today, because I'm pretty sore from yesterday. Thats ok, something is better than nothing.
I still have flex points for the week. Tomorrow is going to be another "blow it" day, lunch at dads and dinner at a friends (our last Christmas flings).
One day at a time, thats how I've gotta live. It will be ok.
I'm a bit stiff today from exercising, but that is good because it means it is working!!! So after work today I'll exercise again. I went over points again yesterday by only 2.6. I still have 25 Flex points left for the week (my week started Wed), so that isn't too bad I dont' think.
Today I'm feeling better about this, more in control, and more optimistic! The thought of where I will be in a couple weeks keeps me going!
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Still feeling a bit wimpy, some low blood sugar episodes but I'm pushing myself through it. Got my work done, going to exercise in a bit.
I CAN do this!
My coffee used 3 points all by itself, so today I put some soymilk in it (1.5 points) so I'm getting half a milk serving instead of coffee creamer with no redeaming nutritional value. It doesn't taste as good.
I was hungry all day yesterday. I'm tired of being hungry already, but know that I need to give it time.
I also rather enjoyed the exercise DVD, (its an old FastTrack WW one). I did all light intensity, my hips and knees hurt. I will take some ibuporphin first this time.
End of the day...
I exercised, and have kept mostly on track. I think I'm doing really well. Not quite so whiney about being hungry (full tummy right now, so no whines :) ).
One day at a time!
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Time to restart, that's what I think. MIL gave me her Weight Watchers stuff. I can't get the Total Mom Makeover book until Jan 8th or so (financial aid check). A bunch of us have been talking about doing this program, it helps with the bod, the house, and the lifestyle.
At this point counting is kind of fun, just the same way that frugal shopping is fun. However, it is very eye opening. Yesterday, I'd hit my max points (28) before we even got to dinner!!!! Today, after my coffee and oatmeal I'm already at 7 points! Last night in bed I was hungry (we ate an early dinner) and I just thought "determination" and went to sleep. I can do it...I think!
This is harder than I thought. Its 3 o'clock and I only have 8 points left. One serving of dinner is 5 points. 28 points spends faster than I thought! I've bought several veggies, and am considering making that veggie soup recipe then freezing it into individual tupperware containers. Its zero points and then any time I'm hungry I can have a bowl of that for "free".
There have been times that I've been hungry and almost dizzy today. I normally have problems with low blood sugar, so this is no surprise.
Way back when I worked at this other office job (almost 2 years ago now) there was a lady who was a lifetime member of WW. She was always talking about "the perfect bite" and I can understand now why that 1 bite was oh so important.
I keep telling myself this is a lifestyle change, and its worth it to stave off diabetes (strong family history) and help the arthritis in my knees (I'm only 30!). I haven't blown it today, I can do this, I can still have some more carrots or an orange. It will be ok!
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Taterbug had a friend over the other night, and his blankey got left here. I left a message for his mom, but I know they are busy this weekend. Unfortunately, I can't deliver said blanket as my car will not start! They've gone 2 nights without it already, but I know how Ladybug does without her Miss Teddy...not so well.
Hubby has a pillow he prefers to sleep and cuddle with, Taterbug has a certain blanket...
Why and how do we get comfort from a certain object? It's just an object...and yet we love it! It doesn't hurt anything, as most of the people I know prefer people over their specific object, but still want it.
Psychologists probably have some technical clinical name they call this. That's fine. I'll sit here enjoying my new yummy lotion and fuzzy socks...
Tonight we opened a few gifts, tomorrow the kids will open the rest and there will be stockings! Santa is coming early this year. Usually we spend Christmas Eve at moms, then Christmas Day at hubby's parents, finally we rush home to open our gifts and end up with a very messy living room. Some time in between I try to fill the stockings so they are ready and waiting late Christmas Day. This routine generally leaves me feeling hurried and exhausted. I may still be tired, but at least we'll come home to a tranquil home.
Its been a beautiful day, even though the car broke down (starter)!
Happy Solstice & Merry Christmas
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
What am I thankful for (not necessarily in the correct order!):
- A roof over my head
- A washing machine to wash my clothes (its going right now!) rather than a washboard
- My wonderful family
- Knowing that if I were to become pregnant accidentally it wouldn't be the end of the world (unlike Jamie Spears, Brittney's little sister, preggers at 16 with a 19 year old, assuming deadbeat, boyfriend)
- Having extra sheets and towels to pile under the boy
- My warm fuzzy blanket
- This wonderful computer
- The bathtub, where we are headed now...
- The applejuice in Tater's cup
- I'm sure there are more, but now we are off to the tub...
Midnight, I'm barely starting to doze, I see the hall bathroom light come on. "Mooooommmm...."
And he's vomiting again. How long have we been without a tummy bug? Like 3 days?
I have now soaked every light switch in the house in ammonia, laundry in the wash (extra rinse please), boy on the couch (couch covered in towels and a sheet, boy with the bucket), and I need sleep. Now he'll miss out on the Christmas events for his classroom, too. Ugh, he's going to be very upset.
We'll be wishing for a tummy-bug-free-Wednesday. Please join me, because I suspect that if this goes on too long I won't keep him out of the hospital. His little body can't handle this assault too soon after the other one.
One more sip of apple juice for mama...
Friday, December 14, 2007
First Prize-Basket of self care goodies, foot bath, socks, candy, wine topper
Second prize-pink glass candle lamp
Third prize-dragon fly small stained glass thing and Christmas socks
carrots & celery w/ranch
nuts & candy
To buy-Candle holders from IKEA
carrots and nuts
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Tonight is Taterbugs Christmas Concert-his first ever. And the Boy Scout meeting, and the Girl Scout meeting. We have had enough stress already the last couple weeks, so we will skip scouts, sadly, and just go to the concert. Stress makes us sick, so we'll just do the easiest stuff and come home and have cookies and cocoa. My cocoa might even be spiked by that point...
Taterbug says,"Mom, we aren't supposed to be there at 7 o'clock, we are supposed to be there at 6-something-something." Mom says,"Did you bring me a paper that says what time?" He says,"Nope no paper, we were supposed to remember and tell you!" Helpfull, kiddo, don't you think?
So another crazy week in the works. It is bound to be loads of fun, but in a way, I can't wait until it is over.
~Friday pick up photos from Walgreens and drop off last Christmas cards for mom to mail
~Saturday Camp Discovery in the morning and visit a friend in the afternoon
~Sunday Christmas with Auntie (shop for Secret Santa? and bake a loaf of banana bread as a gift)
~Mon-Tues regular work
~Wed pick up Toys for Kids for work and mandatory meeting at work(long day)
~Thurs Hand out toys at work and Bunco
~Fri hand out toys at work (shorter day!)
~Weekend rest thank goodness!
~Monday Christmas Eve work half day, then visit with mom prior to first big dinner, then stay the night at inlaws
~Christmas Day! Dinner with in-laws...then home....ahhhhh
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Honestly, I went from awful to great in just an hour or two. A couple of Hubby's friends showed up with hot buttered rum batter. I threw some cookies in the oven, and we all sat around and visited. Mostly, they talked shop talk, but they like and respect me, and listed to what I had to say, too.
It was very very nice.
Thanks to the rum, I slept very well! So today I have heart to move on. Plus, Taterbug ate 5 sausages, 2 waffles, 2 glasses of iced tea, half a banana, half a tuna/cheese sandwich, a piece of candy, and a cookie, too, I think. He also bounced on the couch!!! Which is a no-no, but tells me that my boy is back!!!
Thank you all for reading even when I was down! Oh, and I got the beans in the crockpot, so dinner will be ready for me tonight! Just that thought makes me smile today!
Monday, December 10, 2007
We went over the state's income limit by $31 so Ladybug and Taterbug can't get state insurance. I can reapply next month. He needs to see a doctor, he was so weak this morning he could hardly walk, he made it through part of a day of school. Half an hour on the phone with the county...and we have an appointment on Wednesday, same day as my finals. I'll have to work something out, I don't know what.
Then I was told yesterday that I was "full of negative energy". Its all I can do to function right now, ask me next week how I feel, its too bad people can't understand that.
There is this song that I love
Turn me in your spiral press,
'Til my sweet juices flow, Goddess.
The wheel of the year is turning, turning,
Turning into darkness...
(yes, it is not Christian, sorry) but it helps to remind me that darkness is essential, and routine, something the Earth does each year. Maybe darkness of the heart is essential as well.
Others have said it before, and I'll say it again...it is too bad that the "joy of the season" can't be more joyful...
I'm still learning to deal with my husband. It is hard work to move up and away from childhood behaviors and habits. Most of these are negative emotional behaviors. So I'm constantly watching my husband for mood changes and stuff.
This is incredibly exhausting, and I can't tell if it is something I really need to do, or something I do as leftovers from childhood. We tip-toed around my dad because you never knew how he was going to behave. My goal for the next week or so is to watch my own behaviors and try to just walk away when hubby has his grumpy moments.
We'll see how it goes.
Sunday, December 9, 2007
As for decorating the tree, I tend to just put the kids ornaments up. For some reason we have so many ornaments just for the kids that our "little" tree ends up being full before we get to the grown up ornaments. :)
When I moved away to my own home I didn't have any Christmas ornaments, nor any baby pictures. Those are 2 things that I am making sure my kids will get. They will each have a box or 2 of ornaments, and a couple photo albums. I guess once they are gone out of the house I can put as many of my ornaments on the tree as I want!
My MIL says that she wants a flocked tree. This little stand out by their house has all sorts of different colored flocked trees, purple, turqoise, red/white/blue. Loads of fun. I think we will just go for the typical fir tree.
Do you have your tree up yet?
Saturday, December 8, 2007
When I started the blog I thought it would be a sort of diary. However, I've discovered that I can't say the things I always want to say.
I'm not going to let it keep me from blog. Its just an observation! :)
Thursday, December 6, 2007
We had packed for snowy weather, but it was at least 55 everyday we were there! On the way home we hit 67, in December of all things!!!
On the way home Taterbug got sick. Honestly, he was sick up there and we started meds, but things got worse on the way home. We gave him huge doses of albuterol (at the doctor on the phone's instruction) so by the time we got to town and the local ER he was much better. But now he is dealing with a GI bug...so I'm home again today.