Doing too much, doing enough, overdoing it

Yesterday, in the midst of my latest 3 hour gardening spurt, Tony says to me "You push yourself too far" after discussing what was for dinner and the fact that the dishes needed to be done first. That thought has stayed with me all day today. I came home and mowed the yard (well half) and raked up the oak leaves rotting against the fence. The front yard now looks great.

And I keep asking myself, how can I do anything else? He doesn't do the housework, yardwork, cooking, grocery shopping, and only rarely will take the kids to scouts. If I don't do it, who does? And, true to form, he plopped himself onto the couch as soon as we came inside and left me to clean the kitchen and cook dinner.

So tonight I'm tired. I'm still having after-effects from the bronchitis/sinusitis fun. I need to get up and cook dinner. I'm really tired, and I have a test on Thursday I need to study for. Food, thats what I need to think about. :) Food.

Well, I've learned something new about my darling daughter today. She's doing long division, and the issues with it are:
1) She doesn't understand the relationship between division and multiplication
2) She doesn't realize there are multiple ways to do division (minor differences, but they make all the world of difference to her. Dad was confused about her method, and tried to change her method the other night. She went to school crying and confused to her teacher. Too bad I can't be here every second of the day.)
3) She can't jump back and forth between types of math (ONLY multiplication or ONLY division, etc)
4) She has a very difficult time transferring numbers off of a paper (her multiplication chart) onto another paper (the homework paper)

She's gotten a lot done, so far tonight. She still has 2 assignments to work on between 6:30 and 7:30 and she'll be done for the night.

How did it get so out of hand?

Due to snow, parent teacher conferences were cancelled. Then the report cards came home in backpacks. Turns out Ladybug is failing every class (well except Music and PE). While looking at the online grade book, I became very confused because there were no grades...

So I frantically emailed everyone on her 504 team...and we met the next day. She isn't TURNING ANYTHING IN! That is why she is failing. So we have a month from Saturday to get it all in, and I have to inconvenience her teacher to recopy 20-something worksheets she's lost in the mean time.

She has difficulty staying on track, and not getting distracted. They are referring her to the school psychologist to screen for ADD. Most of the symptoms fit.

She gets a lot more done when I'm sitting at the table with her. So tonight I sat there for more than an hour, after she'd already worked for 2 hours.

As if I don't already have enough to do.

***whine alert***

Between MY school, my job, keeping the house clean, caring for the cat, making sure the children are bathed, cooking meals, being sick, grocery shopping, maintaining everyone's medical care, and transporting children back and forth to Scouts...I'm already stretched pretty thin. And now it is worse, because I am needing to track the assignments she is doing/needs to do down to the nth degree. Because I can't make her do duplicates, especially with SO MUCH work to catch up, that would be silly.

The hour I spent sitting with her tonight was all organizing the work, reviewing what she'd done, and helping Taterbug with HIS work. Obviously, I didn't get any studying done myself, tonight.

I could really use a little help from their dad. But he was in the living room sleeping. At 6pm. He's a pretty good dad, but I need some help. I know he won't give it though, so I don't even bother to ask, because asking always turns into a fight.

Last night, while I was at the emergency room and the pharmacy, Dad let her do her homework in the playroom. In front of the TV. When she was cold, she sat down in front of the heater (behind a chair) and today when I went to go find her 3-ring binder, I found it with all her paperdolls. So while she sat back there for something like 3 or 4 hours, nothing got done. Why you say? Because the paper dolls back there, that is why. And Dad was angry at me because I was angry at him for letting her be out there. I guess I'm not supposed to second guess his stupid decisions.

And then, when I think about this homework issue, shouldn't I have known? Wasn't it odd that she went weeks without homework? So Mr. Teacher and I have an agreement, if they don't have homework I email him to confirm. I can't trust her now. So I feel a guilt, an anger at myself, a responsibility for this. A mom should know. And I didn't.

NOW, we have to do the old work, AND the new work. 3 hours, 5 assignments later. I'm praying she'll pass 4th grade.

The day has come...when large scale agribusinesses see small farmers as a threat.

The day has come...when trasporting food uses more energy than the food can produce.

The day has come...when a person can be sued in several statesby critisizing vegetables.

The day has come...when 90% of children visit McDonalds each month.

The day has come to change how we view food...to realize that shipping carrots from China makes no real sense...to understand exactly where our food comes from.

American's need to know there are more laws relating to automobiles than food safety, and that O157:H7 isn't the only thing to be scared of. You should be afraid of your kitchen sink, because you might have more fecal material there than your toilet from rinsing your meat.

We Can't Make it Here...

"We Can't Make it Here"

http://www.jamesmcmurtry.com/we_cant_make_it_herelyrics.htm
Vietnam Vet with a cardboard sign

Sitting there by the left turn line

Flag on the wheelchair flapping in the breeze

One leg missing, both hands free

No one's paying much mind to him

The V.A. budget's stretched so thin

And there's more comin' home from the

Mideast warWe can't make it here anymore
That big ol' building was the textile mill

It fed our kids and it paid our bills

But they turned us out and they closed the doors

We can't make it here anymore
See all those pallets piled up on the loading dock

They're just gonna set there till they rot

'Cause there's nothing to ship, nothing to pack

Just busted concrete and rusted tracks

Empty storefronts around the square

There's a needle in the gutter and glass everywhere

You don't come down here 'less you're looking to score

We can't make it here anymore
The bar's still open but man it's slow

The tip jar's light and the register's low

The bartender don't have much to say

The regular crowd gets thinner each day
Some have maxed out all their credit cards

Some are working two jobs and living in cars

Minimum wage won't pay for a roof, won't pay for a drink

If you gotta have proof just try it yourself Mr. CEO

See how far 5.15 an hour will go

Take a part time job at one of your stores

Bet you can't make it here anymore
High school girl with a bourgeois dream

Just like the pictures in the magazine

She found on the floor of the laundromat

A woman with kids can forget all that

If she comes up pregnant what'll she do

Forget the career, forget about school

Can she live on faith? live on hope?

High on Jesus or hooked on dope

When it's way too late to just say no

You can't make it here anymore

Now I'm stocking shirts in the Wal-Mart store

Just like the ones we made before

'Cept this one came from Singapore

I guess we can't make it here anymore
Should I hate a people for the shade of their skin

Or the shape of their eyes or the shape I'm in

Should I hate 'em for having our jobs today

No I hate the men sent the jobs away

I can see them all now, they haunt my dreams

All lily white and squeaky clean

They've never known want, they'll never know need

Their sh@# don't stink and their kids won't bleed

Their kids won't bleed in the da$% little war

And we can't make it here anymore
Will work for food

Will die for oil

Will kill for power and to us the spoils

The billionaires get to pay less tax

The working poor get to fall through the cracks

Let 'em eat jellybeans let 'em eat cake

Let 'em eat sh$%, whatever it takes

They can join the Air Force, or join the Corps

If they can't make it here anymore
And that's how it is

That's what we got

If the president wants to admit it or not

You can read it in the paper

Read it on the wall

Hear it on the wind

If you're listening at all

Get out of that limo

Look us in the eye

Call us on the cell phone

Tell us all why
In Dayton, Ohio

Or Portland, Maine

Or a cotton gin out on the great high plains

That's done closed down along with the school

And the hospital and the swimming pool

Dust devils dance in the noonday heat

There's rats in the alley

And trash in the street

Gang graffiti on a boxcar door

We can't make it here anymore

Music and lyrics © 2004 by James McMurtry