One of my friends is having a baby, very soon. The baby-aches (a desire to have another baby in response to an other's child or pregnancy-my own definition) used to hit me all the time, but now it has been several years since I had an attack. It's not that I am jealous, really, more that I wish I could be experiencing what they are, there is something extremely special and amazing about bringing a new being into the world.
My theory is that my baby-aches are as a result of my miscarriages. Losing potential children can make a person grieve, and want to heal that wound. In the last few years I've done a lot of work to move through this grief, or so I thought, and I really thought I'd moved through it.
This friend, though, is very perceptive. She said that sometimes you can think you've walked the whole path of grief (or whatever emotion) but later you realize that you've only taken a step or two. That mama is so smart!
Tonight, I was reading "Women Who Run with the Wolves" and I realized that a desire for a baby can also be a metaphor for wanting to birth something. Now, in my case it may be a desire to birth something creatively, but in what manner or using what materials I do not know. Honestly, I hope I figure it out, because right now, I don't have time for another baby. Maybe in a couple years, but not now.
The world is my slate! I can create myself!
Of course, I'm still a work in progress.