Whirlwind Woman

Wow, we've been busy! October is gone, November is here!

2010-11-01T10:11:00.000-07:00

We've been carving pumpkins...

We discovered that Able loves rainbows nearly as much as apples...

No surprise, but Charlie loves firetrucks...

We trick-0r-treated...Seb went somewhere else, so no pics of him!

We've been crafting a lot, but now it's time to focus on the Christmas gifts.

Some of us have found the need to sleep...

Super Charie has come into existence!

Somebody had a birthday.

Tony is very antsy for snowmobiling season.

Oh, yeah, we carved some pumpkins! :)

And Charlie got a new bed. Every night it's like a Where's Waldo cartoon, he has this need to bring everyone to bed.

I hope November is half as much fun!

2 Giveways!

2010-10-26T14:16:00.000-07:00

Mamaroots is giving away the November edition of Herbal Roots Zine and Herbal Roots Zine is giving away one of Mamaroots amazing creations! Head on over to these two sites to see how you can win!

Be the Peace you Want to see in the World

2010-10-19T14:27:00.001-07:00

Sometimes it is hard to be who you want to be. I find myself tired, my husband in an ugly mood, the toddler is sick, I forgot to eat...and then I act in ways not my usual normal. This movement comes at a very important time for me, it's a good reminder to be the mom/wife/employee I want to be, and who others want to see. My children deserve a loving, warm, strong mom. My husband deserves for me to the port in the storm I need in him. I really need a job with a schedule, not these crazy shifts all over the place, and the best way to do that is to continue doing the best I can at the hospitals where I already work, and then when a shift opens up they will think of me.

So. My intention is to continue striving every day to be that Woman that I know I can be. To love my family, to smile, to work hard. And to continue to find new ways to cope with stress, as I'm constantly advocating to my patients. I CAN do this, and knowing that others are doing this makes it easier.

Do you want to join us?

Calendar of the Soul 25th and 26th week

2010-09-26T08:19:00.000-07:00

Twenty-fifth Week (September 22-28)

I can belong now to myself
And shining spread my inner light
Into the dark of space and time.
Toward sleep is urging all creation,
But inmost soul must stay awake
And carry wakefully sun's glowing
Into the winter's icy flowing.

Ich darf nun mir gehören
Und leuchtend breiten Innenlicht
In Raumes- und in Zeitenfinsternis.
Zum Schlafe drängt natürlich Wesen,
Der Seele Tiefen sollen wachen
Und wachend tragen Sonnengluten
In kalte Winterfluten. Calendar of the Soul

Twenty-sixth Week (September 26, 2010 - October 02, 2010)

O Nature, your maternal life
I bear within the essence of my will.
And my will's fiery energy
Shall steel my spirit striving,
That sense of self springs forth from it
To hold me in myself.

Natur, dein mütterliches Sein,
Ich trage es in meinem Willenswesen;
Und meines Willens Feuermacht,
Sie stählet meines Geistes Triebe,
Dass sie gebären Selbstgefühl,
Zu tragen mich in mir.

{this moment} Friends on the First Day of School, and A Reflection

2010-09-10T12:22:00.000-07:00

{this moment} - A Friday ritual began by Amanda at Soule Mama. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment you want to pause, savor and remember.

Apples Apples Apples

2010-09-09T11:52:00.001-07:00

We brought home a LOT of apples from Hubby's mom. Thanks, Nana! Saucing a bunch up today, we'll have fried apples for dessert, and we'll see if there are any left. I doubt it, they taste so yummy.

It seems that there is always one mascot apple that I'm loathe to cut up. This one probably weighs a pound and a half!

How many people have a birds nest on their dinner table? This one was found in one of the apple trees where we picked the apples. I need to find it a home. (Excuse the back to school pile of papers...)

We don't have a nature table, at least not right now. The one we were using became my chairside table. I do try to keep some things about the season on the center of the dining room table, though. And thanks to Mamaroots, we have a new friend this month! Abel Loves Apples. He's been given his own harvest and pumpkin patch to care for. A friend has a scroll saw that isn't being used, and has promised it to me. When it arrives Abel can have a few apple trees to care for, too.

Family Trip to the Zoo

2010-09-09T08:46:00.000-07:00

It was amazing. We had a wonderful family adventure to the zoo, and nobody melted. The weather was cloudy, and occasionally drizzly, but nobody got cold. We were all full of smiles. Nobody complained about the food from home (fried rice, full of veggies, packed into a tiffin box, thank goodness for the carrier, it was still warm.

These pictures of the kids were taken in our Zoo's new Serengeti exhibit. But really, this a true snapshot of our life. Babybug is ALWAYS zooming around. That boy is a mover and a shaker. All of my kids fascinate me, who they are becoming, who they've been, and where that is leading. They are amazing, all of them. I get the older two, they are a lot like Hubby and I, however, the little one...he's an enigma.

The chase continued around a big ol' baobob tree in the courtyard for several minutes. It was hilarious!

Hubby and I were having fun, and maybe he looks a bit tired here, we were waiting for the train to start. Babybug has this look of awe and wonder that I adore.

Caveboy rides again, with his side kick, Cavegirl. Really, they are in a log in the Pacific Northwest exhibit. But pretending is fun!

This was the beginning of Caveboy in 2009. He crawled into some rocks on the lava flow and we discussed how it must have been for prehistoric man to live in a cave. So ever since he's been Caveboy! Cavegirl didn't get to go on that adventure, she was busy doing other things, like fishing. Ever since, I never pass up opportunities to call him Caveboy. Hee hee.

Calendar of the Soul September 5th

2010-09-05T09:38:00.000-07:00

Calendar of the Soul

[September 05, 2010 - September 11, 2010]

Twenty-third Week

There dims in damp autumnal air
The senses' luring magic;
The light's revealing radiance
Is dulled by hazy veils of mist.
In distances around me I can see
The autumn's winter sleep;
The summer's life has yielded
Itself into my keeping.
___________________________________

English translation by Ruth and Hans Pusch
___________________________________

Es dämpfet herbstlich sich
Der Sinne Reizesstreben;
In Lichtesoffenbarung mischen
Der Nebel dumpfe Schleier sich.
Ich selber schau in Raumesweiten
Des Herbstes Winterschlaf
Der Sommer hat an mich
Sich selber hingegeben.
____________________________________________________________

Created for: The Rudolf Steiner Archive by:
The e.Lib, Inc. (c) 1990-2010

This Moment {Mr Froggy}

2010-09-03T13:27:00.000-07:00

September

2010-09-02T16:07:00.001-07:00

Dear apple, on your branch,
please fall into my hat.
For if I take you off the tree,
They'll not be pleased with that!

Apples red and apples green,
please fall down upon the ground.
For if I pick you off the tree,
I cannot say how you've been found.

Apples here and apples there,
please fall into my hand.
My little sisters stand and stare
and wait for you to land.

Hips and haws and thistles tall
stand all around the tree.
All will soon be picked and stored.
Is there not just one for me?

Apples, apples, everywhere,
please let me have just one,
and just two more, please tree,
then September will be done.

Our Ekone Trip

2010-08-31T10:55:00.000-07:00

We spent a wonderful weekend with some dear friends on Ekone Ranch. A wonderful time was had by all! Ladybug had a horseback lesson on Grasshopper, 25, who has trained many kids to ride, apparently including the instructor herself. The instructor was one of the most perceptive teachers I've ever met, she knew how to match the children with the horses, emphasizing that each horse had a different lesson to teach.

Ladybug is hoping to go to summer camp there next year. However if that is to happen, much saving needs to be had by all. It will be a lot of work for her, but very worth it.

Babybug had a great time throwing rocks, climbing hills, eating dirt (and ACORNS, oh my!), and getting carried by mama. Just he and I climbed a mountain. It was amazing.

We were treated to some amazing sunsets thanks to the forest fires in nearby Lyle.

My bestest friend's daughter has quite a fire for the outdoors. She was constantly catching bugs and frogs and investigating their magnificence. She also rode an amazing horse. I swear they are both smiling.

WeeFolkArt Giveaway!

2010-08-31T10:48:00.000-07:00

Head on over to WeeFolkArt to be entered into a rainbow bean bag set giveaway! They have some really amazing ideas for crafts and fun stuff! Makes you want to own a scroll saw...

Calendar of the Soul-

2010-08-30T20:45:00.000-07:00

Calendar of the Soul

[August 29, 2010 - September 04, 2010]

Twenty-second Week

The light from world-wide spaces
Works on within with living power;
Transformed to light of soul
It shines into the spirit depths
To bring to birth the fruits
Whereby out of the self of worlds
The human self in course of time shall ripen.
___________________________________

English translation by Ruth and Hans Pusch
___________________________________

Das Licht aus Weltenweiten,
Im Innern lebt es kräftig fort:
Es wird zum Seelenlichte
Und leuchtet in die Geistestiefen,
Um Früchte zu entbinden,
Die Menschenselbst aus Weltenselbst
Im Zeitenlaufe reifen lassen.
____________________________________________________________

Created for: The Rudolf Steiner Archive by:
The e.Lib, Inc. (c) 1990-2010

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A lot of fruits of the spirit born this week. We had an amazing weekend camping, with some enlightening experiences. Pictures later.

Busy Thursday

2010-08-27T01:34:00.000-07:00

It's getting late. Or possibly early, depending on your perspective.

Thursday was Ladybug getting spacers for braces (the first half comes next week, the next set 10 days later). Then she and a friend went to the movies.

Taterbug and I cleaned carpets. This must be done again in a short time, I've waited far too long for it to be done, and now it's a disaster. It looks better tho, and his help was invaluable.

Saturday we are all going camping, half the family one direction, half the family the other direction, so tomorrow is planning and preparing. I would like to leave by 8am Saturday morning, the other half will leave much later in the day.

Friday I was supposed to work, but apparently there are not enough sick people, and so I was called off. Happy for the sick people, sad for my paycheck. Ah, well. Now, I'll get more done.

But first, I'd better get to sleep! See you all on Monday.

WIP-A weeks worth of knitting

2010-08-27T00:31:00.001-07:00

I love knitting! Right now I have several things going (pretty usual!). This afternoon I rearranged the living room, and decided I needed a coaster. This is the end result (blocking), I think I'd like a second one. I have some yarn that is the same color as the teal in the heather which will become a second little coaster for the table next to my chair.

Here is a Tickle Hat for Tony. It needs a tassel and ear flaps. I'd like to be done soon because I have several more hats to go before Christmas!

These are some little finger mitts for Ladybug. I'll have a similar pair, only the main color will be turqoise, and Nana just might get some in green...

Very soon I need a list of things to knit or sew for Christmas. I'd really like as many things as possible to be handmade. A friend has promised me a scroll saw so that I can begin making some wood things, that is one skill I'm really looking forward to working on!

I can do this...

2010-08-22T08:41:00.000-07:00

...self development thing. Right now I'm working on not letting a certain person at work intimidate me. How is it that one person can cause me so much anxiety. My mom would say that I'm in control of my own emotions, and I CHOOSE how to feel. Now I need to figure out how to choose differently.

I do feel myself getting stronger, building new skills, getting more self-confidence. I can do this, and with respect to even those who intimidate me.

Calendar of the Soul

2010-08-22T08:38:00.000-07:00

Calendar of the Soul

[August 22, 2010 - August 28, 2010]

Twenty-first Week

I feel strange power, bearing fruit
And gaining strength to give myself to me.
I sense the seed maturing
And expectation, light-filled, weaving
Within me on my selfhood's power.
___________________________________

English translation by Ruth and Hans Pusch
___________________________________

Ich fühle fruchtend fremde Macht
Sich stärkend mir mich selbst verleihn,
Den Keim empfind ich reifend
Und Ahnung lichtvoll weben
Im Innern an der Selbstheit Macht.
________________________

Last week:

I feel at last my life's reality
Which, severed from the world's existence,
Would in itself obliterate itself,
And building only on its own foundation,
Would in itself bring death upon itself.

And the week before:

In secret to encompass now
With memory what I've newly got
Shall be my striving's further aim:
Thus, ever strengthening, selfhood's forces
Shall be awakened from within
And growing, give me to myself.

August by Elsa Beskow

2010-08-22T08:33:00.000-07:00

AUGUST

August-the time of ripeness,
the corn glowing
the berries all ripening.

The magic stands guard,
watching,
the bilberries,
the raspberries,
blackberries,
cranberries,
and gooseberries,
the red and black currants,
the whortleberries,
cloudberries and more.

They dance in a ring,
the Berry Queen smiling,
clad in her August array.

And the magpie-
he just watches.

For he's not interested in August.

He's hungry.

Simple Joys

2010-08-22T08:17:00.000-07:00

We spent a few days with my uncle this last week, and had a wonderful time. His home is in the mountains, all built by his own two hands, and so peaceful. He walks his kitties every day, I would love a life like that!

The view from a neighbors cabin:

Charlie didn't want to keep his shoes on.

And then on the drive home we stopped and played in the Deschutes river.

Charlie's Story

2010-01-12T22:29:00.000-08:00

The following was written by me, to tell Charlie's story, not only to see the path he has been down, but to help heal myself. It is written in third person, as I was trying to avoid judging myself.

Charlie is the 3rd child of a couple who has been married for 12 years. He was conceived prior to their 10th wedding anniversary, and was a surprise. Mom was in school, and both parents had planned no more children. Initially, his entry was met with surprise and fear, but as the parents had time to adjust, his development was met with increasing excitement and planning.

The pregnancy was difficult for mom. Early pregnancy had trepidation about a genetic problem, which was not brought to fruition. Mid-pregnancy brought sacro-ileac pain, and later pregnancy brought contractions and an irritable uterus. Late in the pregnancy, mom developed symptoms of candida, but did not know what it was. Mom was not allowed to return to school while still pregnant, and Charlie arrived 5 weeks early.

Initially, he had difficulty breathing, and was lacking a suck-swallow-breath reflex. Breathing alone was enough work. Early labor was slow, later labor was faster. He had a small dip in heart rate during delivery. He was 7 pounds even and dropped slightly more than a pound during his first couple of weeks of life. The first 2 weeks were marked by a bad yeast infection on his skin and mom's breasts that took diflucan and creams to clear up.

Breast feeding was nearly impossible, his first nourishment being from a bottle, he did not seem to understand what breasts were for. Mom pumped for him almost immediately, even though he was too sick to eat. Over the next few weeks mom worked diligently with several lactation consultants and at home with kangaroo care trying to get Charlie to nurse. Mom became sad and disappointed, and a medication coupled with her history of breast reduction caused her milk supply to plummet.

Over time, Charlie started showing symptoms of allergies to his formula that he was being supplemented with. Dairy didn't work, neither did lactose free, and partially hydrolyzed. Eventually, the demands of pump-feed the baby-wash bottles-kangaroo care-pump, school, the need for sleep, repeated very large and painful plugged ducts, the constant recolonization of yeast, and loss of supply led mom to discontinue pumping and dry her milk supply.

As Charlie got older, his parents could not afford enough formula to get through the month. This formula cost was more than $10 per day. They attempted soy formulas, then later soy milk, rice milk, and almond milk. Over time it became quite clear that he was reacting to all of these substances, and only would be comfortable and sleep when just his main formula was given. Solids were introduced around 6.5 months, mom was careful to watch for allergic responses, none were noted.

Finally, mom finished school and was allowed some time to work in his health. Currently he is getting a few sips of water kefir daily and probiotics in his formula. He also gets some nourishing infusions diluted by half with apple juice about every other day. He is dairy free(except for butter), soy free, almond free, and only gets a few bites here and there of whole rice, but not rice milk. He seems to also react to the food additive carrageenan. His favorite foods are eggs, applesauce, bananas, sweet potato fries, arrowroot cookies, canned peaches, steamed carrots, canned corn, and dried currants. Mom tries to introduce other proteins but he often spits them out. Currently he is taking 3 types of enzymes once a day.

After a recent visit with a feeding specialist, a consult with the nutritionist, and a pediatrician, his formula is being changed to an elemental formula for those children with severe food allergies, malabsorption, and eosinophilic esophangitis. It is planned in the near future that he will see a GI specialist and an allergist. There is a concern that he may have environmental allergies contributing to his problems. There is also a worry that he may have some malabsoption going on, and the desire to make sure he does not have eosinophilic esophangitis.

Mom knows that the road to healing is long. This path has taken 15 months, and it may take that long or longer to get back. However, she has some grief, and feels some responsibility for his health, despite the fact that she knows in her head she did the best she could at the time.

Physically, Charlie is doing well. He is meeting most of his developmental milestones. He doesn't have any obvious constant words, and exposure to one of his allergies will set him back a day or two. Despite that, he is a sturdy, loving, lovable, cheerful, busy fellow who enjoys nothing more than a climb on the dining room table with his favorite teddy and truck.

Charlie and the hat (and Dada, too)

2009-06-29T21:12:00.000-07:00

Mama finished Charlie's hat to match his pants (oops, forgot to take a picture of the pants. Oh, well it will have to wait until tomorrow).

Charlie had to try it on. Yes, I know the ends aren't woven in yet.

But, you know, when you are 8 months old there are always more things to do.

Like trying to crawl AND practicing your vowels.

And playing with balls.

And trying to crawl again.

Then you wonder...how do I get rid of this thing?

And life is good.

'Til you see Dada wearing your hat. Why is he wearing my hat? (Mama says he's just goofy.)

And back to the ball again.

So proud of himself.

The Garden

2009-06-27T12:13:00.000-07:00

I don't pretend to be a master gardener. In fact, I'm not even sure you can call me an amatuer. Beginner is more like it. True, I did garden with my family as a child. But picking up rocks, and allowed weeds does not make one a gardener.

In past years, I've failed miserably, mostly probably because I forget to water. I'm slightly lazy, and always a very busy person. This year I've read Supersize Me and Animal, Vegetable, Miracle and others, and have realized how little I want to be dependent on the food giants with their GM foods. So we frequent family farms that use heirloom seeds, and buy my own seeds from http://www.rareseeds.com/.

This year I think I have so much more invested in my garden than years past. With three children to feed and care for, and concern about what goes in their bodies, I am working harder. But I only have 2 garden spaces. Half of our back yard is overran with Japanese Knot Weed, an invasive and non-native plant brought to the US in the 1970's for "decoration". Between the knot weed, jewel weed, nipplewort, baby oaks, morning glorys, and blackberries, I have my work cut out for me!

Last year, before I found out I was pregnant, and in my early pregnancy, I had pulled up quite a few of the strawberries in the garden pictured above, and tried to plant some seeds. Unfortunately, my same old habits took over, plus the additional "burden" of pregnancy, and I just was not able to physically continue taking care of it.

By this spring, my little garden was again overrun by jewel weed, nipplewort, baby oaks, blackberries, and strawberries (sometimes considered a weed in Oregon, they are pretty invasive). The last few weeks we have worked to clear out that little garden. This is square foot gardening to the max!

In this small space of 5x8 or 5x10 I have planted popcorn, lettuce and chard, 2 kinds of carrots, 2 kinds of beans, a row of broccoli, some cucumbers (I'll train them to go up the fence), and a dozen onion starts.

Of course, this is not enough food to keep us all winter, but I do have a baby to take care of, a house, and soon school again. It will be enough to supplement our budget, and fun for the kids to go pick dinner!

Whats for Dinner? Menu Plan Monday June 29 - July 5th

2009-06-27T09:11:00.001-07:00

Some part of me is being VERY resistant to menu planning. I have no idea why. :) However, it will save me some grief, so I'm going to try. I'm thinking we need to have beans every week. It'll be healthful and save some money. So Thursday is either Chili if I have TVP or Barley, Black bean, and corn burritos (recipezaar 357938). I might have to make tortillas, though.

The Barley, Black bean, and corn burritos are out, we had them for Sunday dinner. There is enough for leftovers or lunch. But I found Hermana Juans Easy Pinto Bean Soup. That ought to be good. http://rtheyallyours.blogspot.com/2008/11/hermano-juans-easy-pinto-bean-soup.html

I've been thinking about Food Stamp Challenges. Some are done for finacial reasons, others seem like they might be a personal test. Whatever the reason, it's interesting (and educational!) to see what people come up with. We are on our own personal Food Stamp Challenge, but really on foodstamps. My decision to start menu planning came from the fact that misplanning during the month of June meant we just didn't quite have enough to make it through the month. Our family gets $2.67 per person per day. I also have to buy at least 2 cans of formula a month to supplement our WIC. Not very much money, and easy to mismanage on that tight of a budget. I hope to do better this month!

Ta-ra ta-ra! Now, for the menu plan!

Monday June 29 - Hermano Juan's Easy Pinto Bean Soup

Tuesday June 30 - Dinner at mom's

Wednesday July 1st - Ladybug's birthday, she requested Salmon croquettes. In her honor we are also having Devil's Food cake with cherry frosting.

Thursday July 2nd - Chili or ???

Friday July 3rd - spaghetti

Saturday July 4th - cookout somewhere :) Maybe in honor of MY birthday, I'll bring Simply Sweet Home's Patriotic Cupcakes. http://simplysweethome.blogspot.com/2009/06/patriotic-cupakes.html

Sunday July 5th - My birthday!

See I'm an Organizing Junkie for more meal plans! www.orgjunkie.com

Growth

2009-06-25T22:08:00.000-07:00

I realized today that I've changed. Matured. Learned to appreciate things more. Able to give and receive compliments so much easier. Appreciate the little things easier.

What was it that brought these changes? Three years of school? Charlie? Being over 30?

I don't know.

Tonight I got to ride MIL's horse. What a beautiful experience! Difficult, but beautiful. She's done a good job training the horse. It was hard work, though, the horse thought she'd see what she could get away with, and I had to keep working working working to get her to behave.

10 years ago I might have been frustrated that I didn't get it all right. Now, I'm just thrilled to have gotten something right.

Thanks for the lessons. I've needed them.

A new project...

2009-06-24T20:37:00.000-07:00

...as if I don't have enough.

Let me just say I LOVE knitting for Charlie. So far I haven't knitted for anyone else, but I bet I'll like it, too.

I have a sweater that is ready to start for him, but this one http://thriftyknitter.com/?p=223 It's such a beautiful baby vest, but I think I'll have to adjust it (as in try to size up) because Charlie is just so big. And I don't have any beautiful tweed for him. It'll be on my wish list.

2009-06-24T20:23:00.000-07:00

Sebastien's Refridgerator Breakfast Cookies

For days now, Mr. Seb has been asking me to make banana bread with chocolate chips. He's been policing the banana's (Mom needs four bananas to make the bread, nobody else can eat one!) for several days. Finally, I just decided to bite the bullet. There was never going to be enough time to do it, so I begged Des (well, bribed her, let her watch TV on the big TV in the living room) to watch Charlie so I could cook.

Dinner cooking-check

Cookie dough for the week-check

Ah, now, a banana breakfast cookie recipe. Wowza there are a million out there.

So, Seb's cookies were born.

4 banana's mashed

2 eggs

1.5 teaspoons baking soda

1 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon vanilla

3/4 cup applesauce

splash of oil

1/2 teaspoon cinnamon (could have used a bit more)

handful of coconut

handful of currants

handful of date crumbles

handful and a half of sunflower seeds

half a bag of chocolate chips

fill the coffee grinder full of oats and make flour

fill the coffee grinder 3/4 of the way full of flax and make meal

3 cups of flour (or whatever you need now for a good "cookie" texture)

Bake at 350 for about 15 minutes (bigger cookies might need a bit more).

YUM. As you can see, we couldn't resist the temptation.

Hello again!

2009-06-24T15:51:00.000-07:00

So a while back, I was just a full time college student with a part time job, 2 school age kids, and a busy life, who planned on graduating in June 2009.

Now, I'm a full time college student (taking the summer off, ouch to the budget) with 2 school age kids, a 7.5 month old baby (6.5 months adjusted thank you very much), who graduated on June 12th, but won't receive her degree until December. Still have a busy life, by the way. Hee hee. My pregnancy with Charlie threw the whole world into chaos (why I haven't posted in nearly a year and a half), but he's the coolest thing since sliced bread (well, maybe since Taterbug was born in 2001). Hubby and I have celebrated an amazing 11th year of marriage, and here I am. Never thought I'd find myself here. School was just a pipe dream in October 2005, and 2 children were the max.

And now the object of my affection...

The First Few Days

2008-04-23T10:12:00.000-07:00

The first time I tested AF was 2 days late. It was a negative. I also have PCOS, so I thought things are just late...that was a Wednesday. Then Thursday night at bunco we were discussing how I can't have any more kids (did I hear a little giggle from God in the background?) but I had cramps, so I thought, here it comes. Nothing.

The next Monday it still wasn't here, but the cramps were gone. I'd picked up a $tree test over the weekend (well, 2, I think) and tested after DH had gone to work and the kids were on the bus. Then I cleaned the kitchen, and went back to check...there was a line. I sat there staring at myself in the mirror. Um..ok, we'll do this tomorrow. There must be a mistake.
Tuesday came, same plan. Kids and DH gone, do a test. Um, another line. Call the doc. This started an awful whirlwind where I had an ultrasound, was told it was ectopic, had to wait until the following Monday, when they saw a sack, right where it was supposed to be. And here I am. Depending on whose calendar you follow, between what it shows on my ticker and 2 weeks further along. I think I'm closer to 9 weeks because there was only one time that we...um...DTD without...um...extra protection. It was a few days before my period was due so I figured we were fine....WRONG!

So thats my story...how we figured out that we are having another baby.

Tired...I'm so tired...

2008-04-20T14:41:00.000-07:00

I've spent the better part of today either in bed or my chair! Luckily my darling husband and children have gotten together on the housework. Its not perfect, and not all of it is done. But-the bathrooms are clean, we have clean clothes (even if they aren't all where they are supposed to be), a relatively clean kitchen.

And some days, us preggo ladies on the go, just need to rest. During the week there is no time for naps or resting. Its all about get from here to there to everywhere. Beyond that, this is the last time I'll be pregnant (if I have anything to say about it) and I'm trying to appreciate each little miraculous day. I never thought I'd be pregnant again, this munchkin is such a surprise and a gift (and maybe a little bit of a hassle, too, but thats life) I really want to appreciate it.

After looking at Donna's blog...I have to say I'm so appreciative of her organization! I need to start with a list of things that need to be done. Each term I get lost again and about halfway through the term I find myself and realize household chores haven't been done in a month! So thats my goal for the week, figure out what needs to be done!

2008-04-19T14:00:00.000-07:00

On Thursday we had ultrasound number 3! Baby had a steady heartbeat of 148, and was 1.4 inches long!!! This ultrasound dated things at 7w5d, which is off of our LMP date of 8w6d, and the 2nd ultrasound that dated things at 6w6d. Soooo confusing! But so far a healthy baby, nonetheless. Thats all that matters!

We got a couple pics to bring home of baby-blob. :) Not as cute as "she'll" be, but getting there!

2008-04-15T15:01:00.000-07:00

Well, its been months. And I've heard about it from my darling friend! :) Love you all!

We've got "news". Hubby and I are having a third baby due 12/5/08. WOW! What a surprise that was! I found out on Monday of spring break, so I've known for 3 weeks.

I feel great, healthy and well. Mostly I'm tired, and my back has started aching already. And my regular clothes don't fit (even though I haven't gained a pound!) Guess the body really knows what to do with baby #3! Guess we need a name for baby 3...I think we'll call "her" Caterpillar, as she's still to become who she'll be!

Otherwise, my life is pretty much the same! School, work, school, take kids to activities, school.

Ladybug was "observed" by the school psychologist. He thinks that her diagnosis may not be ADD (as we were thinking) but more of a processing disorder. Tomorrow there are supposed to be some evals done. I'll be happy to hear the results of those!

Doing too much, doing enough, overdoing it

2008-02-19T17:35:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, in the midst of my latest 3 hour gardening spurt, Tony says to me "You push yourself too far" after discussing what was for dinner and the fact that the dishes needed to be done first. That thought has stayed with me all day today. I came home and mowed the yard (well half) and raked up the oak leaves rotting against the fence. The front yard now looks great.

And I keep asking myself, how can I do anything else? He doesn't do the housework, yardwork, cooking, grocery shopping, and only rarely will take the kids to scouts. If I don't do it, who does? And, true to form, he plopped himself onto the couch as soon as we came inside and left me to clean the kitchen and cook dinner.

So tonight I'm tired. I'm still having after-effects from the bronchitis/sinusitis fun. I need to get up and cook dinner. I'm really tired, and I have a test on Thursday I need to study for. Food, thats what I need to think about. :) Food.

2008-02-12T18:29:00.000-08:00

Well, I've learned something new about my darling daughter today. She's doing long division, and the issues with it are:
1) She doesn't understand the relationship between division and multiplication
2) She doesn't realize there are multiple ways to do division (minor differences, but they make all the world of difference to her. Dad was confused about her method, and tried to change her method the other night. She went to school crying and confused to her teacher. Too bad I can't be here every second of the day.)
3) She can't jump back and forth between types of math (ONLY multiplication or ONLY division, etc)
4) She has a very difficult time transferring numbers off of a paper (her multiplication chart) onto another paper (the homework paper)

She's gotten a lot done, so far tonight. She still has 2 assignments to work on between 6:30 and 7:30 and she'll be done for the night.

How did it get so out of hand?

2008-02-11T21:05:00.000-08:00

Due to snow, parent teacher conferences were cancelled. Then the report cards came home in backpacks. Turns out Ladybug is failing every class (well except Music and PE). While looking at the online grade book, I became very confused because there were no grades...

So I frantically emailed everyone on her 504 team...and we met the next day. She isn't TURNING ANYTHING IN! That is why she is failing. So we have a month from Saturday to get it all in, and I have to inconvenience her teacher to recopy 20-something worksheets she's lost in the mean time.

She has difficulty staying on track, and not getting distracted. They are referring her to the school psychologist to screen for ADD. Most of the symptoms fit.

She gets a lot more done when I'm sitting at the table with her. So tonight I sat there for more than an hour, after she'd already worked for 2 hours.

As if I don't already have enough to do.

***whine alert***

Between MY school, my job, keeping the house clean, caring for the cat, making sure the children are bathed, cooking meals, being sick, grocery shopping, maintaining everyone's medical care, and transporting children back and forth to Scouts...I'm already stretched pretty thin. And now it is worse, because I am needing to track the assignments she is doing/needs to do down to the nth degree. Because I can't make her do duplicates, especially with SO MUCH work to catch up, that would be silly.

The hour I spent sitting with her tonight was all organizing the work, reviewing what she'd done, and helping Taterbug with HIS work. Obviously, I didn't get any studying done myself, tonight.

I could really use a little help from their dad. But he was in the living room sleeping. At 6pm. He's a pretty good dad, but I need some help. I know he won't give it though, so I don't even bother to ask, because asking always turns into a fight.

Last night, while I was at the emergency room and the pharmacy, Dad let her do her homework in the playroom. In front of the TV. When she was cold, she sat down in front of the heater (behind a chair) and today when I went to go find her 3-ring binder, I found it with all her paperdolls. So while she sat back there for something like 3 or 4 hours, nothing got done. Why you say? Because the paper dolls back there, that is why. And Dad was angry at me because I was angry at him for letting her be out there. I guess I'm not supposed to second guess his stupid decisions.

And then, when I think about this homework issue, shouldn't I have known? Wasn't it odd that she went weeks without homework? So Mr. Teacher and I have an agreement, if they don't have homework I email him to confirm. I can't trust her now. So I feel a guilt, an anger at myself, a responsibility for this. A mom should know. And I didn't.

NOW, we have to do the old work, AND the new work. 3 hours, 5 assignments later. I'm praying she'll pass 4th grade.

2008-02-09T09:58:00.000-08:00

The day has come...when large scale agribusinesses see small farmers as a threat.

The day has come...when trasporting food uses more energy than the food can produce.

The day has come...when a person can be sued in several statesby critisizing vegetables.

The day has come...when 90% of children visit McDonalds each month.

The day has come to change how we view food...to realize that shipping carrots from China makes no real sense...to understand exactly where our food comes from.

American's need to know there are more laws relating to automobiles than food safety, and that O157:H7 isn't the only thing to be scared of. You should be afraid of your kitchen sink, because you might have more fecal material there than your toilet from rinsing your meat.

We Can't Make it Here...

2008-02-09T09:40:00.000-08:00

"We Can't Make it Here"

http://www.jamesmcmurtry.com/we_cant_make_it_herelyrics.htm
Vietnam Vet with a cardboard sign

Sitting there by the left turn line

Flag on the wheelchair flapping in the breeze

One leg missing, both hands free

No one's paying much mind to him

The V.A. budget's stretched so thin

And there's more comin' home from the

Mideast warWe can't make it here anymore
That big ol' building was the textile mill

It fed our kids and it paid our bills

But they turned us out and they closed the doors

We can't make it here anymore
See all those pallets piled up on the loading dock

They're just gonna set there till they rot

'Cause there's nothing to ship, nothing to pack

Just busted concrete and rusted tracks

Empty storefronts around the square

There's a needle in the gutter and glass everywhere

You don't come down here 'less you're looking to score

We can't make it here anymore
The bar's still open but man it's slow

The tip jar's light and the register's low

The bartender don't have much to say

The regular crowd gets thinner each day
Some have maxed out all their credit cards

Some are working two jobs and living in cars

Minimum wage won't pay for a roof, won't pay for a drink

If you gotta have proof just try it yourself Mr. CEO

See how far 5.15 an hour will go

Take a part time job at one of your stores

Bet you can't make it here anymore
High school girl with a bourgeois dream

Just like the pictures in the magazine

She found on the floor of the laundromat

A woman with kids can forget all that

If she comes up pregnant what'll she do

Forget the career, forget about school

Can she live on faith? live on hope?

High on Jesus or hooked on dope

When it's way too late to just say no

You can't make it here anymore

Now I'm stocking shirts in the Wal-Mart store

Just like the ones we made before

'Cept this one came from Singapore

I guess we can't make it here anymore
Should I hate a people for the shade of their skin

Or the shape of their eyes or the shape I'm in

Should I hate 'em for having our jobs today

No I hate the men sent the jobs away

I can see them all now, they haunt my dreams

All lily white and squeaky clean

They've never known want, they'll never know need

Their sh@# don't stink and their kids won't bleed

Their kids won't bleed in the da$% little war

And we can't make it here anymore
Will work for food

Will die for oil

Will kill for power and to us the spoils

The billionaires get to pay less tax

The working poor get to fall through the cracks

Let 'em eat jellybeans let 'em eat cake

Let 'em eat sh$%, whatever it takes

They can join the Air Force, or join the Corps

If they can't make it here anymore
And that's how it is

That's what we got

If the president wants to admit it or not

You can read it in the paper

Read it on the wall

Hear it on the wind

If you're listening at all

Get out of that limo

Look us in the eye

Call us on the cell phone

Tell us all why
In Dayton, Ohio

Or Portland, Maine

Or a cotton gin out on the great high plains

That's done closed down along with the school

And the hospital and the swimming pool

Dust devils dance in the noonday heat

There's rats in the alley

And trash in the street

Gang graffiti on a boxcar door

We can't make it here anymore

Considering the Playroom

2008-01-07T12:07:00.000-08:00

In our home we are blessed to have a "den". It was previously the garage to the former owners, and has dark paneled walls and dark green carpet. Maybe they had a billiard table in there before? It is the perfect type of room for a game room. It has my dining room hutch, the kids comfy chairs, their TV, their toys, our filing cabinet, and my sewing machine.

Because our house is the old "ranch style" instead of the "great room style" we are able to have people come in the front door, instead of the side door, and so this room is always the pit. Over the last few months since we almost moved I've been working hard to clean it up. I've been decluttering the house like mad, throwing crap away, and generally working towards a tidier happier home. In fact, in some ways, I'm getting a bit obsessive, since I hate to see the fruits of my labors get disturbed.

Anywho, this room tends to be the staging area for boxes to be unpacked, backpacks and coats (my children DON'T seem to know how to use a hanger, no matter how many times I instruct them!), Goodwill junk, and other misc. The toys are a mess, it is pretty hard to figure out what to do with the Hotwheels track.I need to sort again, and then I need to figure out some sort of organization system.

In our house we don't have toys in our rooms, except special ones and stuffies. The rooms stay tidy, a nice calm place to sleep, relax, read, etc. The bulk of the playing is done in the playroom.So does anyone have any specific organization system they use for their kids toys and stuff? Any suggestions?

Fat-Free Half-and-Half

2008-01-07T11:45:00.000-08:00

At first, this seemed like the best food! Really, cream with no fat, doesn't that sound fabulous?

So we bought some last night to make our Ikea meatballs a little less "bad for you" (you have to make the cream sauce with cream).

After I made it, while waiting for everything to be done, I read the ingredients, wondering what made this miracle food such a miracle. Well, horror upon horrors, it is corn syrup that makes it sooo good.

Part of our lifestyle change is cutting out this awful perversion of corn from our diets.

We'll be going back to whole fat half and half (when needed occasionally), thank you very much.

Finding Extraordinary in the Ordinary

2007-12-30T10:57:00.000-08:00

When I was a little girl I dreamed of a normal family. Both parents worked (didn't cut wood like my dad did), they got along, and we did family things (in my dreams) like play board games and go places. I just wanted an ordinary life. Not the one that I had. Although, today, I can see that I had an extraordinary life. To this day the Steens Mountains are one my favorite places in the world. And how many people can say they've been harassed by a helicopter rent-a-cop in the Owyhee Mountains while holding a rifle? Or chased by wild horses in the Murderer's Creek area of the Izee mountains. Man, I have some memories.

However, the result of these girlish dreams is that I have worked hard to find an ordinary life. In the meantime, my children haven't built the same times of life experiences that I have. They've never been chased by wild horses ;). They have flown in little airplanes, received handmade wooden toys from inmates in a Salem prison, ridden all sorts of horses both English and Western, seen alien space ships flying in the Gorge, made snowmen with my 70-something-year-old grandma, among other wonderful experiences.

This morning I was reminiscing about old times (it started yesterday with my grandma at my dad's house). I realized that regardless of our financial status, time constraints, and other ordinary concerns, I need to continue to help my children find the extraordinary in ordinary life. In 20 years I hope they look back on our ordinary life and are able to see the beautiful extraordinary moments. Even if they only think of the geese flying overhead as something beautiful and rare (our "pet" geese, a flock of over 100 that we love), I hope they know just how hard I've tried to provide them with an extraordinary life with the stability of the ordinary.

Life is beautiful!

Day #5

2007-12-30T00:44:00.000-08:00

Lots of stumbling today (thanks for the change of view Leah), but I knew it would be that way and planned for it. Two parties, junk food at both, tomorrow will be a good day!

Again, I exercised today, so that's good!

The visit with my dad was great, which made it easier to not over eat (I tend to overeat when stressed). And the visit with our friends was great! He sure makes a mean spaghetti, and we saw the latest Harry Potter movie. WOW!

Tomorrow my goal is to stay within points, and not use any flex points at all. Seems simple enough!

Happy Last Sunday of 2008!

Day #4

2007-12-28T21:17:00.000-08:00

Today is my dad's party, and then dinner with a friend. I'm expecting it will be hard to stay on plan today, but I'll do my best to seek out healthy foods.

I'm nervous about going to dads. He's not the easiest person to get along with. Oh, well, I'm a grown-up, we'll leave if it gets weird.

Happy Saturday!

Day #3

2007-12-28T20:51:00.000-08:00

Good Evening!

I blew it with lunch...a Burgerville chocolate peppermint milkshake-18 pts!!! EEEK!

The rest of the day was fine, but now I'm hungry and no points left...I need something, guess I'll just go WAY over instead of a bit over.

However, I exercised again today, so thats good! I didn't do the high intensity today, because I'm pretty sore from yesterday. Thats ok, something is better than nothing.

I still have flex points for the week. Tomorrow is going to be another "blow it" day, lunch at dads and dinner at a friends (our last Christmas flings).

One day at a time, thats how I've gotta live. It will be ok.

*************************************************

Good Morning!

I'm a bit stiff today from exercising, but that is good because it means it is working!!! So after work today I'll exercise again. I went over points again yesterday by only 2.6. I still have 25 Flex points left for the week (my week started Wed), so that isn't too bad I dont' think.

Today I'm feeling better about this, more in control, and more optimistic! The thought of where I will be in a couple weeks keeps me going!

Happy Friday!

Food is tasting better...

2007-12-27T14:21:00.000-08:00

...REALLY! Amazing, I'm not shoveling it in all the time, and so now every bite counts as a sensory experience! After less than 2 days!

Still feeling a bit wimpy, some low blood sugar episodes but I'm pushing myself through it. Got my work done, going to exercise in a bit.

I CAN do this!

Day #2

2007-12-27T09:54:00.001-08:00

Well, I went over a bit on my points yesterday. Yanked them from my weekly Flex Points. Although, last night it occurred to me that I shouldn't be using those at all, as New Years Eve is coming.

My coffee used 3 points all by itself, so today I put some soymilk in it (1.5 points) so I'm getting half a milk serving instead of coffee creamer with no redeaming nutritional value. It doesn't taste as good.

I was hungry all day yesterday. I'm tired of being hungry already, but know that I need to give it time.

I also rather enjoyed the exercise DVD, (its an old FastTrack WW one). I did all light intensity, my hips and knees hurt. I will take some ibuporphin first this time.

************************

End of the day...

I exercised, and have kept mostly on track. I think I'm doing really well. Not quite so whiney about being hungry (full tummy right now, so no whines :) ).

One day at a time!

Meals for the Rest of the Week

2007-12-26T15:00:00.001-08:00

Tonight-Wednesday-White Bean Chicken Chili-5 pts

Thursday-Crock Pot Beef and Broccoli Dinner for Dieters-7 pts

Friday-Cabbage and Rice Casserole-5 pts

Saturday-leftovers and fresh bread

Weight Loss Day #1

2007-12-26T14:54:00.000-08:00

9:00 AM
Time to restart, that's what I think. MIL gave me her Weight Watchers stuff. I can't get the Total Mom Makeover book until Jan 8th or so (financial aid check). A bunch of us have been talking about doing this program, it helps with the bod, the house, and the lifestyle.

At this point counting is kind of fun, just the same way that frugal shopping is fun. However, it is very eye opening. Yesterday, I'd hit my max points (28) before we even got to dinner!!!! Today, after my coffee and oatmeal I'm already at 7 points! Last night in bed I was hungry (we ate an early dinner) and I just thought "determination" and went to sleep. I can do it...I think!

*********************

3:00 PM

This is harder than I thought. Its 3 o'clock and I only have 8 points left. One serving of dinner is 5 points. 28 points spends faster than I thought! I've bought several veggies, and am considering making that veggie soup recipe then freezing it into individual tupperware containers. Its zero points and then any time I'm hungry I can have a bowl of that for "free".
There have been times that I've been hungry and almost dizzy today. I normally have problems with low blood sugar, so this is no surprise.

Way back when I worked at this other office job (almost 2 years ago now) there was a lady who was a lifetime member of WW. She was always talking about "the perfect bite" and I can understand now why that 1 bite was oh so important.

I keep telling myself this is a lifestyle change, and its worth it to stave off diabetes (strong family history) and help the arthritis in my knees (I'm only 30!). I haven't blown it today, I can do this, I can still have some more carrots or an orange. It will be ok!

Blankets, Loveys, and Other Little Things

2007-12-22T21:31:00.000-08:00

Do you sleep with something? Quite a few of my friends sleep with their kiddos, I sleep with hubby, and if he isn't here I sleep in a specific giant sweatshirt.

Taterbug had a friend over the other night, and his blankey got left here. I left a message for his mom, but I know they are busy this weekend. Unfortunately, I can't deliver said blanket as my car will not start! They've gone 2 nights without it already, but I know how Ladybug does without her Miss Teddy...not so well.

Hubby has a pillow he prefers to sleep and cuddle with, Taterbug has a certain blanket...

Why and how do we get comfort from a certain object? It's just an object...and yet we love it! It doesn't hurt anything, as most of the people I know prefer people over their specific object, but still want it.

Psychologists probably have some technical clinical name they call this. That's fine. I'll sit here enjoying my new yummy lotion and fuzzy socks...

Solstice

2007-12-22T20:37:00.000-08:00

The longest day of the year, and here we are. Candles are lit, so are the twinkling tree lights, and we are all snuggled up. In a bit I will get some tea, and start some infusion for tomorrow.

Tonight we opened a few gifts, tomorrow the kids will open the rest and there will be stockings! Santa is coming early this year. Usually we spend Christmas Eve at moms, then Christmas Day at hubby's parents, finally we rush home to open our gifts and end up with a very messy living room. Some time in between I try to fill the stockings so they are ready and waiting late Christmas Day. This routine generally leaves me feeling hurried and exhausted. I may still be tired, but at least we'll come home to a tranquil home.

Its been a beautiful day, even though the car broke down (starter)!

Happy Solstice & Merry Christmas

(Almost) Thankful Thursday

2007-12-19T00:23:00.001-08:00

Today while cooking dinner, hubby was keeping me company as he often does. I realized that no matter how hard things are (money, groceries, old cars, no time, etc) there really are people in the world who have it worse. Then tonight (waiting up with sick Taterbug) I was reading and article I photocopied out of a friends magazine earlier today . The article talked about embracing our dark times (not to be confused with depression-a serious condition-which is characterized by more than a week or two of sleep changes, eating changes, changes in sex drive, inability to do normal things, low energy, etc). Sometimes we just need to take care of ourselves by slowing down, letting the dishes rest in the sink, or doing other things you wouldn't normally do. "Thankful Thursday Journals" were mentioned, and I realized what a great idea!

What am I thankful for (not necessarily in the correct order!):

A roof over my head
A washing machine to wash my clothes (its going right now!) rather than a washboard
SOAP!
My wonderful family
Knowing that if I were to become pregnant accidentally it wouldn't be the end of the world (unlike Jamie Spears, Brittney's little sister, preggers at 16 with a 19 year old, assuming deadbeat, boyfriend)
Having extra sheets and towels to pile under the boy
My warm fuzzy blanket
This wonderful computer
The bathtub, where we are headed now...
The applejuice in Tater's cup
I'm sure there are more, but now we are off to the tub...

Just when every pillow in the house was clean...

2007-12-19T00:22:00.000-08:00

Yeah, a post can't be good when it starts that way, can it?

Midnight, I'm barely starting to doze, I see the hall bathroom light come on. "Mooooommmm...."

And he's vomiting again. How long have we been without a tummy bug? Like 3 days?
I have now soaked every light switch in the house in ammonia, laundry in the wash (extra rinse please), boy on the couch (couch covered in towels and a sheet, boy with the bucket), and I need sleep. Now he'll miss out on the Christmas events for his classroom, too. Ugh, he's going to be very upset.

We'll be wishing for a tummy-bug-free-Wednesday. Please join me, because I suspect that if this goes on too long I won't keep him out of the hospital. His little body can't handle this assault too soon after the other one.

One more sip of apple juice for mama...

Bunco Thursday

2007-12-14T14:45:00.000-08:00

OK, I think the prizes are done...

First Prize-Basket of self care goodies, foot bath, socks, candy, wine topper

Second prize-pink glass candle lamp

Third prize-dragon fly small stained glass thing and Christmas socks

Dinner-Potato soup
Homemade rolls
lemon bars
carrots & celery w/ranch
nuts & candy

To buy-Candle holders from IKEA
carrots and nuts

Christmas Hijinks

2007-12-13T18:03:00.000-08:00

Tony is peeking into a present...:) Today we received our packages from adopt-a-family. I wasn't expecting to be adopted, and our adoptees really went overboard, those wonderful people! The presents move into the living room...we have bunco on Thursday night, where are the bunco ladies going to sit!?! :) Not that I'm complaining, thank you unknown people for your generosity!

Tonight is Taterbugs Christmas Concert-his first ever. And the Boy Scout meeting, and the Girl Scout meeting. We have had enough stress already the last couple weeks, so we will skip scouts, sadly, and just go to the concert. Stress makes us sick, so we'll just do the easiest stuff and come home and have cookies and cocoa. My cocoa might even be spiked by that point...

Taterbug says,"Mom, we aren't supposed to be there at 7 o'clock, we are supposed to be there at 6-something-something." Mom says,"Did you bring me a paper that says what time?" He says,"Nope no paper, we were supposed to remember and tell you!" Helpfull, kiddo, don't you think?

So another crazy week in the works. It is bound to be loads of fun, but in a way, I can't wait until it is over.

~Friday pick up photos from Walgreens and drop off last Christmas cards for mom to mail
~Saturday Camp Discovery in the morning and visit a friend in the afternoon
~Sunday Christmas with Auntie (shop for Secret Santa? and bake a loaf of banana bread as a gift)
~Mon-Tues regular work
~Wed pick up Toys for Kids for work and mandatory meeting at work(long day)
~Thurs Hand out toys at work and Bunco
~Fri hand out toys at work (shorter day!)
~Weekend rest thank goodness!
~Monday Christmas Eve work half day, then visit with mom prior to first big dinner, then stay the night at inlaws
~Christmas Day! Dinner with in-laws...then home....ahhhhh

Better

2007-12-11T08:23:00.000-08:00

What is it about friendship that can give you a boost?

Honestly, I went from awful to great in just an hour or two. A couple of Hubby's friends showed up with hot buttered rum batter. I threw some cookies in the oven, and we all sat around and visited. Mostly, they talked shop talk, but they like and respect me, and listed to what I had to say, too.

It was very very nice.

Thanks to the rum, I slept very well! So today I have heart to move on. Plus, Taterbug ate 5 sausages, 2 waffles, 2 glasses of iced tea, half a banana, half a tuna/cheese sandwich, a piece of candy, and a cookie, too, I think. He also bounced on the couch!!! Which is a no-no, but tells me that my boy is back!!!

Thank you all for reading even when I was down! Oh, and I got the beans in the crockpot, so dinner will be ready for me tonight! Just that thought makes me smile today!

I'm exhausted

2007-12-10T17:19:00.000-08:00

Something about the pressure of the holidays, plus the pressure of finals, plus hubby's grandpa's death (and the whirlwind trip to the east), plus the shorter days and more darkness, and other the other stuff...I'm at the end of my rope.

We went over the state's income limit by $31 so Ladybug and Taterbug can't get state insurance. I can reapply next month. He needs to see a doctor, he was so weak this morning he could hardly walk, he made it through part of a day of school. Half an hour on the phone with the county...and we have an appointment on Wednesday, same day as my finals. I'll have to work something out, I don't know what.

Then I was told yesterday that I was "full of negative energy". Its all I can do to function right now, ask me next week how I feel, its too bad people can't understand that.

There is this song that I love

Turn me in your spiral press,
'Til my sweet juices flow, Goddess.
The wheel of the year is turning, turning,
Turning into darkness...

(yes, it is not Christian, sorry) but it helps to remind me that darkness is essential, and routine, something the Earth does each year. Maybe darkness of the heart is essential as well.

Others have said it before, and I'll say it again...it is too bad that the "joy of the season" can't be more joyful...

You Can't be Someone Else's Conscience

2007-12-10T17:12:00.000-08:00

Duh!

I'm still learning to deal with my husband. It is hard work to move up and away from childhood behaviors and habits. Most of these are negative emotional behaviors. So I'm constantly watching my husband for mood changes and stuff.

This is incredibly exhausting, and I can't tell if it is something I really need to do, or something I do as leftovers from childhood. We tip-toed around my dad because you never knew how he was going to behave. My goal for the next week or so is to watch my own behaviors and try to just walk away when hubby has his grumpy moments.

We'll see how it goes.

Christmas Tree Time!

2007-12-09T08:51:00.000-08:00

Today we are going to get our Christmas tree! I'll leave it up until after the first of the year. One of my friends leaves it up until the 7th of January. She says she does for a religious reason. However, I'm ashamed to say WHICH day happens to be the 7th of January, so if anyone remembers will they tell me please?

As for decorating the tree, I tend to just put the kids ornaments up. For some reason we have so many ornaments just for the kids that our "little" tree ends up being full before we get to the grown up ornaments. :)

When I moved away to my own home I didn't have any Christmas ornaments, nor any baby pictures. Those are 2 things that I am making sure my kids will get. They will each have a box or 2 of ornaments, and a couple photo albums. I guess once they are gone out of the house I can put as many of my ornaments on the tree as I want!

My MIL says that she wants a flocked tree. This little stand out by their house has all sorts of different colored flocked trees, purple, turqoise, red/white/blue. Loads of fun. I think we will just go for the typical fir tree.

Do you have your tree up yet?

Unwilling to say certain things...

2007-12-08T00:25:00.001-08:00

Over that last couple days I've found myself wanting to type away about a certain family member, and another time about Taterbug being sick. And I keep censoring myself. Blogs on the internet are public, and while I doubt certain difficult person knows my blog address...what if their friends do?

When I started the blog I thought it would be a sort of diary. However, I've discovered that I can't say the things I always want to say.

I'm not going to let it keep me from blog. Its just an observation! :)

Home Again

2007-12-06T11:10:00.000-08:00

700 miles in 3 days isn't fun. However, the funeral was beautiful. In fact, that desert town is beautiful, the hills, the sage brush, the tumbleweeds...

We had packed for snowy weather, but it was at least 55 everyday we were there! On the way home we hit 67, in December of all things!!!

On the way home Taterbug got sick. Honestly, he was sick up there and we started meds, but things got worse on the way home. We gave him huge doses of albuterol (at the doctor on the phone's instruction) so by the time we got to town and the local ER he was much better. But now he is dealing with a GI bug...so I'm home again today.

Good-Bye Grandad Elton!

2007-11-29T12:18:00.000-08:00

After a long and thorough life, Grandad went home to be with his wife. Elton was Tony's last surviving grandparent, and while he lived 350 miles away, was often in our thoughts and hearts.

He was a tough old bird, having survived and fought in 2 wars and a Purple Heart in each (WWII and Korea). The last wound was a hip wound and ended his military career. After his second or third unsuccessful hip replacement (resistant staph infection) they removed the hip and left him unable to walk without crutches. And yet he persevered, still continuing to drive his antique fancy sports car, love his dogs, and generally keep as busy as possible.

About a year ago they let us know that he was beginning to be in kidney failure. He nursed his wife of more than 20 years through 11 years of dialysis, and so when diagnosed he determined that dialysis was not on his agenda. A few months ago he had a smaller heart attack and recovered. This heart attack was quick, and there was little suffering. And he is no longer lonely for his long gone wife.

We love you Elton! We'll miss you!

Miss Maggie's New Site

2007-11-26T16:04:00.000-08:00

Frugal Abundance

That Miss Maggie sure has started a winner-again! Her clarity of thought and ability to put things into words really impress me with each of her articles.

Humble Pie: Putting Organics Into Perspective

Making Work Easier

Feast & Famine the Pescatarian Pantry

These are all issues that I deal with on a daily basis! The organic thing, I'm working on dealing with it by purchasing from local growers, rather than buying organic. In some cases, veggies are organic, but aren't certified due to the high costs in doing so. I think at some point the real issue will be finding ways to save petroleum costs (not shipping food 3000 miles) rather than organic.

A friend recommended this book "Coming Home to Eat" On this site you can listen to an interview with the author. And an excerpt can be found here. Find out more about Gary.

Also, on my book list is Barbara Kingsolver's "Animal Vegetable Miracle". You can find some yummy recipes on that site!

Really, what the main thing I'm trying to accomplish is the best food, from the local community if possible, for the least price. And don't forget the love put into the food, it adds nourishment as well!

I don't know who Bob is...

2007-11-25T08:58:00.000-08:00

...but he sure makes some interesting points! Some of his points I certainly agree with, others, I'm not so sure. Don't read if you aren't willing to see that someone might consider parts of the Bible incorrect, or that it might make you upset.

Narcissism in the Bible

The Wit and Humor of Jesus

Motherwort

2007-11-24T21:21:00.000-08:00

Each day I drink at least one quart of nourishing infusion. They seem to help my digestion, keep my heart palpitations in control, help me rest. Yesterday, I was getting a strange feeling from the motherwort, usually it makes me feel good, yesterday the feeling was odd...sort of a warmth in my chest and a little tightening. The feelings quickly went away after a minute or so, but would come back with every drink.

About infusions...

Things you can say on Thanksgiving and get away with it:

2007-11-24T21:14:00.000-08:00

Ok, its a little naughty, but loads of fun!

1. Look at those huge breasts!
2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
3. It's Cool Whip time!
4. If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!
5. Whew, that's one terrific spread!
6. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.
7. Are you ready for seconds yet?
8. It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?
9. Just wait your turn, you'll get some!
10.Don't play with your meat.
11.Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.
12.Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?
13.I didn't expect everyone to come at once!
14.You still have a little bit on your chin.
15.How long will it take after you stick it in?
16.You'll know it's ready when it pops up.
17.Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!
18.That's the biggest one I've ever seen!
19.How long do I beat it before it's ready?

Trying to Learn Patience

2007-11-24T20:52:00.000-08:00

Ladybug likes to help in the kitchen, but it takes more time to show someone than it does to just do it. Patience has always been a tough skill for me to learn.

However, Ladybug is showing a real inclination to learn "womanly" skills for the first time ever, and really its my responsibility to teach her, right?

So that is my goal for the week, let Ladybug help, and maybe even help her to make biscuits by herself, as that is something she wants to do.

And considering the fact that I forgot the baking powder tonight...they are likely to be better than mine anyway!

Don't Ya Love Saving Money?!?!

2007-11-24T16:29:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I went to Bi-Mart and found my mom the crockpot for Christmas. Her whole kitchen is stainless, and I found a stainless one with 4 settings and 6 quarts for $15.00! Great deal, as it is normally $30. Then today we went by an estate sale and found some wonderful deals.

For my friend who is getting into canning, a pressure cooker in fabulous shape for $6.

An antique oil lamp that hangs on the wall for $3.

A brass candle holder that hangs on the wall for $4.

An older aluminum muffin tin (the sturdy ones that didn't discolor) for 50cents.

An oak neato rolling pin $2.

A big basket $1.

All of these things are gifts for family and friends, so I'm really excited! It was great for the 4 of us to get out together. Everyone smiled and had a great time!

Sadness

2007-11-23T13:36:00.001-08:00

*Friday*
Today's been a bit of a rough day. Between last night, and today trying to deal with the kids, I'm having a tough time. The kids are being good, they just need a mom, and I'm not one right now. I'm going to get up and try to improve my mood until tonight. What I could really use right now is some time on my own, but that is not going to happen.

Thanks for listening.

*Saturday*
Well, today is better. Some of the short-term troubles are resolved, but what of the long-term troubles I do not know. Time will tell, I suppose.

*Saturday Night*

Does anger ever make you cold? Usually, I get hot anger, but my anger today is cold, and blank, and tucked away. It seems to make me feel safer.

Generations

2007-11-23T13:24:00.000-08:00

Two of my darling grandmas were with us yesterday at my moms. Grandma A is over 80 (I think she's 85, but a lady never tells, does she?!) And Grandma J is 79 (I only know because she is mom's mom).

Aren't they beautiful?

Lovely Days

2007-11-23T13:12:00.002-08:00

Last month during our work conference I took these pictures out my hotel window. It was nice to get away, even if I was working the whole time!

How Much are You Worth?

2007-11-22T22:39:00.001-08:00

Moms work hard, there is no doubt about it, but "does anyone appreciate it" is the big question. Maybe in some households, but in mine, as in some of my friends, then men just don't see clutter and dirt. And it doesn't seem to matter to them. The dirt can be there, or not, the clutter can be there or not. It's no big deal. But it is, and it might be to you, too.

So after a difficult discussion with my husband tonight, I thought I'd see if I could figure it out. If we had to pay someone to come into the home and do what I do every day, how much would we have to pay her? Well, according to this site, my work is worth $91,977. They break it down by job, by hour, and by zip code. So it seems the work that I do around the house is worth it after all.

Now, if only I can convince my husband,

Running With The Wolves

2007-11-21T22:28:00.000-08:00

*Wednesday*
Many of you know that I've gone by Coyotemist for a long while. When I was a girl I thought it was great fun to howl, at the moon, at the sun, at my brother. I just howled for the fun of it. Somehow, along the way, I lost the love of howling, or forgot that I enjoy it so much. Sometimes I howl with the children, Ladybug and Taterbug think its great fun, too. But you know how adults can be self-conscious...

My plan is this: to become more in touch with the side of myself that sings out loud, and dances even if people are watching, and, of course, howls at the moon. I'd like to continue reflecting on Ms. Este's book. If its not interesting to you, you are welcome to skip over this section...

Part of relearning to love howling is relearning to love myself, regardless of being chubby, having a messy house, messy car, or whatever my self-flagellation of the day is. In fact, I'd really like to get rid of the self-flagellation completely. Want to join me?

*Saturday*
I've been thinking how drawn my children are to stories with magic. They definitely prefer Shrek to Disney at this point in their lives. It is quite interesting how the stories that children are told are becoming more and more "politically correct". However, the old stories without the correctness helped to educate children about the real world. I'm not sure that the "new versions" of stories are actually teaching children anything about life the way the old versions did.

*Sunday*
In Norse mythology Hel is the goddess of the underworld. The "sin-eaters" (carrion eaters) bring the souls of the dead back to the underworld in their bellies. There, the goddess puts the dead back together again, and shows them how to live backward. Then they become younger and younger until they are reborn and ready to be released back into life. Many of the internet sites about Hel do not reflect this portion of her nature. They do say she is half white and half black, and her bones exist on the outside of her body. But what are bones but the very essence of something. We say "this room has great bones" or "you have good bone structure", what we mean is that there is beauty at the core of something. So wouldn't it make sense, then, that something of the underworld-a genuine being-show us her soul right away, rather than lock it away in some dark place. After all, she already lives in a dark place.

All of this is making me consider my own dark places, and demons that I have locked up in my soul. In my minds eye, the demons become larger and larger, and heavier and heavier, for each day that I do not deal with them. It is often easier to attack something head on, rather than delay and stall while our perception of the difficulty gets larger. While in truth it remains the same size and only takes on more energy drawn from our fear.

Another issue which is interesting to me, that Ms. Este's addresses is predators. We have predators in life, and predators of the psyche. Young children aren't enabled with the tools to recognize these, and young girls can get caught up with someone they believe to be good, but is not. Most everyone knows a story of the young girl who took up with the older man believing "he loves me!!!" (you can hear the vehemence in their voice!). Some part of them must know the truth (why their words are said so strongly).

I do not want my children to be one of those. They already have good instincts (we were at a place that might not be safe at dark, and was uncomfortable during the day) and they said "this place is weird". I told them to remember that feeling and pay attention at other times in their lives. If that old feeling comes back, get out of there.

Bluebeard story Now, I don't agree with the morals that they have come up with, but the story is the same. If you consider that the different characters of the story might be different parts of oneself then you might see how there are parts of ourselves that we send away-the very parts that might save us! Then the vulnerable is left without the strong parts-intuition, the woman with a voice she uses to proclaim her needs not burying them under layers of facade.

Growth

2007-11-21T22:12:00.000-08:00

One of my friends is having a baby, very soon. The baby-aches (a desire to have another baby in response to an other's child or pregnancy-my own definition) used to hit me all the time, but now it has been several years since I had an attack. It's not that I am jealous, really, more that I wish I could be experiencing what they are, there is something extremely special and amazing about bringing a new being into the world.

My theory is that my baby-aches are as a result of my miscarriages. Losing potential children can make a person grieve, and want to heal that wound. In the last few years I've done a lot of work to move through this grief, or so I thought, and I really thought I'd moved through it.

This friend, though, is very perceptive. She said that sometimes you can think you've walked the whole path of grief (or whatever emotion) but later you realize that you've only taken a step or two. That mama is so smart!

Tonight, I was reading "Women Who Run with the Wolves" and I realized that a desire for a baby can also be a metaphor for wanting to birth something. Now, in my case it may be a desire to birth something creatively, but in what manner or using what materials I do not know. Honestly, I hope I figure it out, because right now, I don't have time for another baby. Maybe in a couple years, but not now.

The world is my slate! I can create myself!

Of course, I'm still a work in progress.

Cheese

2007-11-21T18:17:00.001-08:00

Paula and I made cheese. Both fromage blanc and chevre from cows milk. The fromage is more sour. I'm really thinking mozzarella might be fun.

She also sent me home with some of Summer's family sourdough. A loaf is baking in the oven as we speak and it smells delicious. So tomorrow for Thanksgiving I'll take traditional yeast rolls, and my loaf of sourdough with some homemade cheese. I'm thinking of putting garlic and rosemary and whatever other herbs I can find into each of the cheeses.

The sourdough didn't rise as much as yeast dough does, but following these instructions the sponge proofed right up, so I think I did it right!

...Later...

The cheese is interesting. The flavor has changed over the couple of days since we made it. Its definitely a "farmer cheese", something that you would have on a farm. I have to keep reminding myself its the real deal, there aren't any preservatives (other than natural cultures), corn syrup, or any other artificial ingredients.

The sourdough bread is FAN-TAB-ULOUS! And the cheese (with some yummy herbs and garlic) spread on the bread...well...the result is better than I could hope for. In fact, its almost gourmet! Yay us!

Busy Day

2007-11-21T18:14:00.001-08:00

Today has been busy! I've done 5 loads of laundry, cooked dinner (simple broccoli and ham in mac'n'cheese), unloaded some boxes, moved some boxes to the shed, dishes, cleaned my bedroom, and tidied here and there.

Tomorrow my job is to bring rolls. My favorite are Miss Maggie's "Fred's Favorite Rolls". It looks like if I start them in the morning there will be plenty of time for them to rise!

My back hurts now, so in a bit I'll be off to the bathtub. First I need to change the sheets (I found the flannel-whoo hoo!) and fold another load of laundry!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Redecorating After Undecorating

2007-11-21T13:48:00.000-08:00

As you may know, we almost moved. Most of the house is in the POD still (I need to jump in there and find the flannel sheets today....brrrr it's cold!). We took everything down off the walls and most of the nick-nacks were packed. The house seems almost empty, even though we have furniture in it, and the china cabinet IS empty. The Christmas dishes are coming into the house, that will refill the china cabinet, but what do I do about the walls?

Honestly, I love Christmas decorations, but really don't like taking them down. There lies my dilemma. Do I really go to town on Christmas decorations and redecorate the normal stuff later? Or do I put some normal stuff up and some holiday stuff up?

It may well be a moot point, as I don't have much free time anyway. I'll let you know what I decide!

Christmas Presents

2007-11-21T03:17:00.000-08:00

A good friend is always finding things for my kids, so I'm going to make something for her kids. I need to get the fabric out and work out the pattern.

Another friend is having a baby, I was thinking of crocheting him a blanket for Christmas (he should be here well before Christmas, anytime from now on).

Otherwise, for everyone else I'm still unsure what I'm doing. Hopefully, I'll get some ideas soon!

This thing about food...

2007-11-21T00:45:00.000-08:00

My pantry is full. Not just sort of full, not halfway full, but really full, as in stacking-cans-on-top-of-each-other full. So its time for a menu plan. At the begining of the year I was planning our meals weeks ahead of time using the Menus4Moms forms. I do like their forms because I can write the kids chores next to the days meal. There are lots of other forms available for free download on the internet, though. Susanne might even have some!

Somehow, somewhere along the way I got behind on planning. The thing I discovered is that meal planning takes time set aside specifically for that purpose. And thats a really tough thing for me...finding time.

Cindy would tell me to "Shop at home!" and "Do instead of buy!". It's time for Christmas shopping, and I just keep buying food, even though I have full cupboards (it's a security thang). With the long holiday weekend right upon me, I'm going to sit down and plan out my meals from here to the end of the year. This will be accomplished using just the food in my pantry! Well, I might have to buy some meat, bread, milk, and coffee creamer, but the bulk of our meals should be found in the pantry already. Besides which, I have to use up those 25 pounds of dry beans at some point!

Sensory Integration Disorder and Household Fun

2007-11-21T00:37:00.001-08:00

OK, if you know anything about SID, you know it isn't really fun. Both kids have some degree. We've done brushing, and that weird music. Nothing helps for any length of time. Ladybug goes crazy if you have to rush her in the morning, or you need to brush her hair. Taterbug doesn't like certain foods, and hates baths. Our toughest challenges are Ladybug's meltdowns. Ever seen a 9 year old lose her mind? It's not pretty. Tonight she spent an hour in her room under her blankets trying to pull it together (her choice). Imagine trying to brush said hair after the blankets...

Today I found a new site, OT Exchange. My membership is approved, but I haven't had a chance to rootle around yet.

I'm considering making a weighted vest, maybe one that I can vary the weight so I don't have to make 2. Any thoughts or suggestions?

Thanksgiving is upon us!

2007-11-21T00:04:00.000-08:00

It hardly seems time for Thanksgiving. Wasn't it just yesterday that we had that picnic at the lake in August and got drenched in the freezing rain?

Summer just flew by this year, and somehow, somewhere, I lost fall. The leaves have fallen, and yet, I still keep looking for the sun. It is Oregon, though, so the rain does fall. I'm trying to be conscious about being grateful for the rain, because those folks in Georgia sure would love some of that rain that I want to complain about!

Anywho, we are going to Mom's for Thanksgiving dinner (turkey, yum!). Then we will have ham (double yum!) with Nana and Papa on Friday. I'm thrilled because my darling 79 year old grandma, my aunt, and my uncle are coming up from the Willamette Valley to have dinner with us. Can't spend enough time with Grandma! Also, Grandma Arlene will be there, too, so we'll have lots of wonderful family time.

What are you having for Turkey Day?